You did it. You made it through one of the scariest times and moments in your life and you have this beautiful life in your arms that you created. You’re a mom and couldn’t be more overwhelmed and overcome with emotion. People fawn over you and the baby for the first few weeks and you’re over the moon (and maybe a little delirious from lack of sleep).
Then it sets in. You are responsible for not only yourself, but for someone (or multiple ones) that solely relies on you to care for them. That’s a big moment when that realization finally sinks in. Most people accept it and thrive.I was not one of those people. I had postpartum depression and didn’t even see it until it was over.
Then it sets in. You are responsible for not only yourself, but for someone (or multiple ones) that solely relies on you to care for them. That’s a big moment when that realization finally sinks in. Most people accept it and thrive.I was not one of those people. I had postpartum depression and didn’t even see it until it was over.
Becoming a mom of two under the age of two hit me like a bus. I was not sleeping, trying to breastfeed but to no avail. I ended up exclusively pumping for the first 4 months of Xander’s life and it all just became too much. Managing a toddler who needed so much from me, and a newborn who obviously needed the same was
Just. Too. Much.
As I look back on those days, I realize how much of a dark place I was in. Of course while it was happening, I just brushed it off as “being hormonal” or “being exhausted” or “being stressed”. Now I see that it was more than that. When I finally came out of that darkness, I could finally see clearly. I cried everyday, multiple times a day. It wasn’t for any particular reason sometimes other than feeling like a complete failure or like I just wasn’t good enough. I had so much help from my husband, mom, sisters, etc and yet I still felt like I was drowning. And that made me feel even worse.
Just. Too. Much.
As I look back on those days, I realize how much of a dark place I was in. Of course while it was happening, I just brushed it off as “being hormonal” or “being exhausted” or “being stressed”. Now I see that it was more than that. When I finally came out of that darkness, I could finally see clearly. I cried everyday, multiple times a day. It wasn’t for any particular reason sometimes other than feeling like a complete failure or like I just wasn’t good enough. I had so much help from my husband, mom, sisters, etc and yet I still felt like I was drowning. And that made me feel even worse.
This type of thing happens to so many moms and it often goes unrecognized. We all try to put up a front and put on this facade of everything being perfect and happy—even when it isn’t. In our society with social media constantly telling us and more so showing us how we “should” be, it’s hard to accept the truth sometimes. Life is messy. There are so many less-than-perfect moments. But it is so important to honor your feelings and speak up if you are feeling like it’s a little more than just stress or exhaustion.
It all seems like a blur now, but when I finally “snapped out of it” as I refer to it, it felt like I could finally breathe again. I didn’t feel this constant dread anymore and it was truly amazing to me that I didn’t realize it before.
Now that I have a third little one, I’m more on the anxiety end of the spectrum. I have moments during my day where I don’t know what else to do but cry. I sometimes wake up just thinking about how I’m going to make it through until bedtime. I don’t like it, but that is anxiety. A feeling of dread that just eats away at you constantly, that you just can’t shake.
It all seems like a blur now, but when I finally “snapped out of it” as I refer to it, it felt like I could finally breathe again. I didn’t feel this constant dread anymore and it was truly amazing to me that I didn’t realize it before.
Now that I have a third little one, I’m more on the anxiety end of the spectrum. I have moments during my day where I don’t know what else to do but cry. I sometimes wake up just thinking about how I’m going to make it through until bedtime. I don’t like it, but that is anxiety. A feeling of dread that just eats away at you constantly, that you just can’t shake.
But being more aware this time around has made me so much more capable to take this thing on. I don’t feel bad asking for help anymore. When I’m having a bad day or even moment, I call or text someone for their help or even just to talk me through it. I don’t feel bad taking an hour or two for myself when i have that help for some self-care. Because when someone else depends on you, YOU have to be ok first. YOU have to know that you are strong and able to take on whatever the day throws your way.
To my husband, family and friends, I am truly blessed to have you and all of the help that I receive. Postpartum depression or anxiety is not something that you can blame on anyone or anything. It just is. But you can make sure to speak up if you are feeling this way, get help when you need it, and just know that
You are not alone.
You can do this.
To my husband, family and friends, I am truly blessed to have you and all of the help that I receive. Postpartum depression or anxiety is not something that you can blame on anyone or anything. It just is. But you can make sure to speak up if you are feeling this way, get help when you need it, and just know that
You are not alone.
You can do this.
RSS Feed
